Every girl wants that one true friend to help and comfort her in times of need, share those deepest secrets and even stick up for her when others bad-mouth her.
But finding a good Best Friend Forever -- or BFF -- can be a challenge, especially when you don't know what to look for. Some area psychologists and a few young BFFs tell us it starts with the ability to keep confidences -- and that is the first test and passing it should be non-negotiable. "You shouldn't violate confidences," Kalamazoo-area school psychologist Cassandra Bridges said.
Along with that, Bridges and some other good girlfriends say, it is important not to gossip about your friend to another person, not even another friend.
"If you have something to say to a friend, you should say it directly to a friend ...," Bridges said.
That's what the best friend of Karlice Hooper, 13, an eighth-grader this fall at Hillside Middle School, did a few months ago when she heard about a rumor that Karlice had called her by a profane word for women.
Karlice told her friend the rumor was false and, together, the pair, who had been friends since they were age 2, confronted the girl who had made the untrue statement. The gossiper admitted she had lied.
"(I was) glad she came to me instead of blowing it out of proportion," Karlice said.
The bottom line is, trust must exist between friends, said Barbara Reed, 15, who also will be an eighth-grader this fall at Hillside.
The bottom line is, trust must exist between friends, said Barbara Reed, 15, who also will be an eighth-grader this fall at Hillside.
"If there's no trust, there's no friendship," Barbara said.
And honesty is important, too, said Ruby Sledge, a psychologist who often talks with kids and families.
Friends "tell what is true," Sledge said.
Niamya Nichols, 14, who just completed eighth grade at Hillside, said to "be real" with your best friend is key, even on sensitive topics.
"Tell her if her breath stinks ...," Niamya said while laughing. Don't be callous, though. Niamya advises always speaking the truth in "an honest, caring way."
Sledge said being a good friend also means making sacrifices for one another.
Bridges, the school psychologist, said good friends know how to compromise.
"You need to know how to think of others before you think of yourself," Bridges said. "See what it is they want to do and not just what you want to do."
And don't forget to look for someone who is caring.
Bridges said good friends check on their friends and comfort them when they are sick or are emotionally out of sorts. They also know when to give friends their space.
Sledges said the best way to make friends is to show yourself friendly and remember to treat others the way you would want to be treated.
Rising Stars co-director Earlene McMichael assisted with this story.
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